top of page

Very important writings on Beverly Hills, 90210

Updated: Dec 8, 2020

When Brandon met Dylan, Season 1, Episode 2

Brandon met Dylan** in a school computer lab, obviously. So Brian Austin Greene's dorky blonde friend is designing a floor plan for the dance club of his dreams. In the floor plan there is a room for a tech class (what a nerd!). Brandon admires this floor plan because he is, in general, a very encouraging person. If you're sitting at a computer working hard, he will definitely come up behind you, lean in with a smile, and clap your shoulder.

A couple of tough guys come in and give blondie shit for having dreams. Brandon's like, "Whoa, bad news," in his head, but then here comes Dylan, out of the shadows, like a projection of the kind of person Brandon would like to be if he weren't SO GOOD. God, it's all becoming so clear now. Brandon and Dylan complimented each other so hard. They would have made a super hot couple. Dylan would have stood up for their gayness like the straightest white guy ever.

Anyway, Dylan ends up telling the bad guys, in his very "I don't have time for teenagers" rasp, that he's NOT IN A GOOD MOOD. And you know what? It works. The tough guys are like, We're outta here, we know what happens when Dylan's in a bad mood. Brandon and the blonde friend watch him disappear into the horizon like he's Clint Eastwood-- which he IS-- and Brandon says something like, "Cool friend you got there," and Blondie's like, "I've never seen him in my life."


**Technically Brandon hasn't met Dylan yet, that doesn't happen until later when Brandon finds him sitting alone on some school stairs outside, deep in thought, maybe reading Byron because seriously, later on Brandon finds a book of Byron poems in Dylan's convertible. Fuck yes.

Lord Byron, Dylan's inspo

Potter's Pain, Season 1, Episode 3

WTF, James Eckhouse?

So Carol Potter is having a super hard time adjusting to life in Beverly Hills 90210. Especially because her husband has inexplicably hired a native Spanish speaker to come clean her house.

What does she need a Mexican cleaning lady for when she has so much time to select the thick jeans she'll wear while gardening? Sure, she needed help back in Minnesota, but that's when she had a life! She had some kind of job, she had friends, she had a MORE FAMILY-ORIENTED ZIP CODE.

Well you know what? Carol Potter's not the type to let a non-English speaker get her down. She just starts helping Anna Rodriguez with the cleaning. She offers her coffee, a word the cleaning lady doesn't understand until Carol shows her the pot. "I call this Potter's pot," she says. J/K.

And you know what else? It's good Carol Potter's home so much because when Brenda comes home from school with her mischievous new friend --who is actually Kelly's old best friend IT'S A LONG STORY MOM--she can be on top of that shit. Mrs. Walsh is learning that these Beverly Hills kids are fucking rich, James Eckhouse, and therefore they don't respect married couples in their late 40s who are trying to raise Brenda and Brandon. They don't want your after-school snacks, man.

Meanwhile, Brandon got a job at a restaurant which, little does he know, will provide him with the training he needs to fucking OWN The Peach Pit.

And Brenda's finding ways to make her K-Mart wardrobe work because she doesn't have plastic.

Don't worry Carol Potter. Your husband may have a fancy new job with LOTS of papers to hand to his secretary, but YOU have what I like to call "Potter's Panache." See below.

Brenda's bangs

In my pre-adolescent--adolescent days, I was infatuated with Brenda's bangs, and with her hair in general. Oh why couldn't it be mine? It was so rich, so chocolatey, so STRAIGHT and just WELL DONE, BRENDA. Well. done. Look at this shit.

You wish.

Before I started watching the show again, I had forgotten that Brenda's bangs had very humble beginnings. Apparently she cut them with Carol Potter's gardening shears.

But will I be a virgin forever?

Moral of the story: THERE IS HOPE FOR ALL OF US.

You're welcome. Love, Lara

I tried.


bottom of page